I’ve always been an introvert and a bookworm. Performing something and getting an ovation is a very rare event for me. If I remember correctly, my first and the only time I performed in front of a huge crowd was when I was 11 years old. It was a Kathak dance performance. Then I received a standing ovation from the audience. It was actually “we” who received an ovation. It was a group performance and I chose the corner most position on the stage, so that I am less visible to the audience. Definitely not one of my best memories.
The most memorable ovation that I received would be when I was 7 or 8 years old. That year during summer vacation my brother started teaching me how to ride a bicycle. The first day I was really scared of falling, but with the help of my brother I didn’t fall off the bicycle. Well, at least on the first day. Then it became a routine, we would go to the playground and practice for an hour or two. I fell from the bike many times. Every time I fell, I used to get angry and tell my brother that I can walk and there is no need to learn riding a bicycle.Then he used to tell me that I should not give up so easily, that we should always finish what we have started. He used to say that if you don’t get your knee hurt while learning how to ride a bicycle, then you don’t really know how to ride it perfectly. To cheer me up, he sometimes gave me chocolates and candies.
I finally learned how to handle that two wheel monster. That day I returned home riding on my bike, with my brother chasing me. When we reached home, I called my mom outside to show off my newly acquired skill. It was then I received my most memorable ovation, my mother and brother being the audience. Their smile being my trophy.
Wow! It’s already December. Christmas is almost here and we are just three weeks away from the new year.
I remember how this year started. I was on the terrace, busy in wishing everyone new year eve while watching paper lanterns race in the sky. Just like every year, I promised myself that I’ll study from the starting of semester and I failed to do so. AGAIN. Just now I was dancing and enjoying in Feb fest with my friends.
I remember joining WordPress and writing my first blog. Writing all the stupid stuff that come up in my mind reading the prompt. *Still doing the same*
Just two weeks back I had my final exam. I remember studying till 3:00 am, saving every second and working hard. And now wasting (and enjoying) my time as much as possible.
Time flew away like this.
Another round around the earth almost completed and about to begin a new.
Me and my friends made this wall painting. Three of us got over excited and ended up making it clumsy.
We all are still working on it to make it right 😛
Me: *With one eye open I looked around* *started talking to myself*. Oh! It’s so dark. I think it’s too early to leave. I’ll get up after 15 minutes.
Me: *Click somewhere on my mobile screen to put alarm on snooze*
*Alarm rings again*
Me: *With one eye open I checked my mobile * ..:45 am. *looked around* *saw sun rays coming from the window* *started talking to myself* Wow! It only takes 15 minutes for pitch dark room to be filled with morning sunlight.
I feel like I’ve been sleeping for an hour or so. I think this 15 minute nap was my morning power nap. LOL. But it’s weird, it’s too bright for 5:45 am. Well, I should get up, otherwise I’ll be late.
*slowly crawled out of my bed and walked towards washroom* .. *GASP* Oh my God! Wait a second! 6:45 am!
*Started running here and there, getting ready as fast as I could while crying why I am so Clumsy*
This incident happened just a day ago, when I was going home from the hostel (as my mid semester break started. YAY! ). I had to leave from the hostel at 7:00 am to reach the bus station at 7:30 am. When I woke up at 5:30 am and clicked “somewhere” on mobile click, instead of snooze I dismissed the alarm. And the next alarm was my regular alarm. I thought it was 5:40, and didn’t bother to check whether it was 5:40 or 6:40 am. And ended up getting late for my bus. ( But I got the bus, the bus started late). And it’s not the first time I acted so clumsily and ended up racing to reach my destination. And everyone scolds me for acting like this.
But I like being clumsy. I like making mistakes and learning. I like running at the end time to get the things right. I like that rush. And when the thing is done, I like giving that “Like a boss” look. 😛
Six months back, my brother owned a windows phone. When he purchased it, he was really happy. It had large screen and good camera quality. He was satisfied with it. Then a new phone came up in the market. And suddenly, he realized that his phone is not good enough. So, he sold his phone and bought this new phone. After using it for a month, he was not satisfied with its performance. He ended up with the line, “I wish I hadn’t sold my windows phone”. Actually, it was not like that his old phone wasn’t good enough when my brother sold it, but he wanted to buy the new mobile. It is funny that when we have something, we don’t really care about it. But once that thing is gone, suddenly we realize its worth.
And the same thing is applicable on our view about age. This year, on 23 July, my friend turned 20. While we were chatting, she told me that it was her dream to not to be called a teenager. And finally that she is 20, she is no more a teenager. She was really happy about it. And just now, I was reading some post about youth where the author talked about how much he envy the youth. That the youth have enough time to do whatever they want to do which now the author don’t have.
When we are young, we don’t really enjoy it to the fullest because at that time we want to grow old and enjoy a settled life. But as we grow old, we don’t enjoy that time of life because we are too busy remembering about how carefree life was back then we were young. We always chase the things we don’t have. And this chase is endless and we often end up in gloominess.
We should not regret about the thing we don’t have. Instead, we should enjoy our life as it is, with what we have. Be grateful for everything you have.
I remember when I was a kid, every morning I used to stand up on my bed and pretend as if I am holding a magic wand. Then I used to move my hand in such a way as if casting a spell and say something like ‘Abra ka dabra’ or any other spell that I’ve learnt from cartoons. And if you are wondering why did I do so, the answer is because of the ventilator in my room. Every morning the first thing that I used to see was dust mote. I used to think that it is magical dust and only my Eyes could see it. I used to think that I have magical powers. Well not used to, I still believe I have magical power, I just haven’t discovered them yet.
When I was 7 years old or maybe 8, I watched a movie called ‘Halloween Town’. In that movie, Marnies’ grandmother told Marnies’ mother that if Marnie won’t use her magical power before she turns 13, she’ll lose her magical power. And that think got stuck in my brain. That I have to discover my magical power before I turn 13 otherwise I’ll lose it. I tried every magical spell. But they never worked and I turned 13. And by the way, Marnie is the name of protagonist of this movie. But I wasn’t sad about that because at that time I saw another movie ‘Twitches’. In that movie, the twin sisters discovered their magical power at the age of 17. So, I set a new deadline. I tried many things. Sometimes I used to stare things, thinking of moving them. Yes, you can laugh, I know this sounds stupid, but I really wanted that to happen. Years passed, and I turned 17. And I couldn’t discover my magical powers. Was I sad? NO! Thanks to another movie which rescheduled my deadline to 19. I am still trying to find my magical powers. I am still waiting for that moment. I know this sounds stupid but I just can’t stop believing in magic.
And by the way, my new deadline is 23 days away, I’ll let you all know on that day if I discovered something or not. 😛
There is a proverb in Hindi language, ” Chand pe bhi daag hote he”. It means even moon has spots on it. This proverb signifies that nothing is flawless. Even the moon which from earth looks all smooth has got mountains and rough surface. I use this proverb a lot! But in a different context. I have a birthmark on my face. Half of my right cheek is covered by it. Whenever someone meets me for first time their first question is “What’s that on your face? Did you burn your cheek?” Then I tell them that it’s my birthmark. And their reaction is like, “Oh! Did you consult any doctor? Do you apply any cream or something to get rid of it?”. And every time my answer is “No”. Then come their concern and pity. To this my reply is something like this ( And always like this!), “Arey, you must have heard that Chand pe bhi daag hote he, and my birthmarks proves that! I am beautiful like moon that’s why God gave me this mark”. And after hearing this, there is a smile on every face around me. However, mine is the biggest one.
So, moral of the blog this time is that we all have something that everyone point out. And some of us, like me, have something that every one show pity for. And I’ve seen some people who takes these comments to their heart and when other show pity they get angry. I want to tell them ‘ Don’t be angry’. Instead show them how happy you are being like you. Show them that you love being different and adore yourself like that.
Life is not bad or good, it’s how you look at it.
It’s all about perception!
I still remember that awful day when all this started. I was always fond of paranormal stuffs. I loved horror movies. That day I just finished reading a novel called “Pastlife”. In that novel, the protagonist wants to find the reason behind the unusual events taking place in her life. Someone told her that contacting her dead grandparents might help. So, she bought an Ouija board and called the spirit of her grandparents. They told her that answer to her questions lies in her past life. Then she went to a hypnotist and took a journey to her past life and find everything that she wanted to know. I was fascinated by the idea of taking a journey to the past life. I searched about it the whole morning. Like how can I do it myself, what are the things required, etc. It was all about meditation and focusing.
After reading all that, I went to try this method. I followed every step that I’ve read. I closed all the curtain of my room and turned off the light. I sat on a chair in my room. I started to meditate. I imagined that I am surrounded by a white light, that is going to protect me from negative energy. Then I imaged a hallway, at the end of which there was a door. I started moving forward. As I imagined moving towards the door, someone knocked on the door of my room. And all of a sudden, everything went blank. I opened my eyes and saw my sister was standing at the door. I started scolding her that she disturbed me in the middle of something. She asked me what I was doing and I told her. After listening to me she bursted into laughter. She told me that there is no such thing as past life and asked me to join her in shopping. I knew that I can’t convince her so went with her for shopping. We came back really late. I went straight into my bed and within five minutes I fell asleep. I was sleeping peacefully. Then suddenly I felt grip on my neck. As if someone was trying to choke me. I tried to open my eyes but was unable to do so. I tried shouting but my lips didn’t move. It felt like my whole body was paralysed. I was petrified. I start repeating the name of God in my head. After sometime I felt the grip losing up and I opened my eyes. As I moved my eyes, I saw a figure departing from my room. “What was that?” I asked myself. “Was it a ghost?”. I was so scared to move, to scream or to do any thing. That whole night I couldn’t sleep. I was lying on my bed as stiff as a dead body.
Next morning, I told my mom everything that happened with me last night. She said that it was all my imagination, that I’ve been watching too much of horror movies.
Now, a year have passed since that incident. Nothing like that ever happened again. But sometime I feel that something is behind me. Staring at me. And I know that it’s not my imagination.
Imagine you are standing in front of a tunnel. The tunnel is completely dark. All you can see is darkness all around, except a small point at the end of the tunnel. This tunnel is life and the small point is your goal. You know that at the end of this tunnel lies a beautiful world. A world which have everything you always wanted, so you started moving forward. At the end of day one, all you can see is just a small spike of light but you don’t stop because you know a wonderful world awaits there at the end of this tunnel. You keep on moving. Three weeks passed, still just a small spike of light, nothing else. But you still keep on moving, because you have a wonderful picture in your head that keeps you motivating. One year passed, still a spike of light. It’s a bit brighter, but not that bright, not big enough to keep you motivated. Suddenly, you feel all confused. Your mind is full of doubts, whether you should keep moving and carry on doing what you have started or turn around.
At one point of time or other, all of us face this dilemma. Whether we should keep moving or turn around, to go back to the place where everything is known. At that point of time, don’t be scared, don’t give up and don’t turn around. Carry on what you’ve started. Take it this way, that if you go back you’ll get to the place which is okay, “just okay”. Nothing more. And after all the hard work that you would do to go back, there will be nothing new, nothing wonderful. But if you put these efforts to move forward you’ll get closer to the end of the tunnel, where you know that there is something more, something new and maybe something wonderful.
P.S.: Taking life as a tunnel was not my idea. All credit goes to my friend Himadri. In all our stupid conversation, sometime we end up with wonderful ideas.
*logged in my wordpress account*
*check todays prompt*
*starts talking to myself*
“oh! confused! Nice prompt. I can easily write on this. After all, it’s a feeling that I encounter everyday.”
“So, what should I write? … I can write about how confusion gives us new ideas. Hmm.. or maybe I can write about how confusion leads to frustration. Or maybe something else…. BANG! now I am confused.”
So, this was my reaction towards todays prompt. And not only to this prompt, this is my reaction in almost every situation. I am always confused. I remember when I passed my 10th grade. That time I was confused whether I should take maths or biology. I was so confused at that time that I ended up with taking both. Yes! I am not joking. I took both of them because I couldn’t decide. After 2 years, I passed my 12th grade. Then again came the time of confusion, engineering or medicine. However, this time I faced less confusion. By the end of class 12th I discovered my interest in botany. And now I am doing Botany Honors and I am really enjoying it!
In my life I have learnt that confusion is something that we cannot escape. Not everytime someone will come and tell you what to do. At one point of time or another, we always come across some situation where we face a dilemma. Don’t think about it too much. Take life as it comes.
Always remember, “If you are confused, you’ll get the answer”. Just give yourself time and you’ll find the way.
[P.S.: While I was writing this, all the time I was confused whether I should write this or tell how confused I was yesterday when I publish my first post. Like, which font should I use, how should I write, what should I write, whether I should write or not. I think I can get my name written in the Guiness world record book for being the most confused person on the earth. LOL.]